Cassie Uptmore
Everything on this page is something I have personally used, read, or recommended to women doing this work. Not a sponsored list. Not a generic roundup. Just the things that actually helped — organized around what you're going through.
Some links are affiliate links. I only recommend things I believe in.
When you don't recognize yourself anymore — this is where you start. These are the books and tools for the deep work of rediscovering who you are, separate from your past, your roles, and the story that was written about you.
Cassie's Pick
One of the most quietly powerful books I've ever read. Four simple principles that completely rewire how you relate to yourself and others. I return to this one regularly.
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What if you are not your thoughts, your past, or your pain? This book changed how I understand myself. Essential reading for anyone rebuilding from the inside out.
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About the art of seeing and being seen — which is at the heart of rebuilding identity. Brooks writes about what it means to truly know yourself and let others know you.
Get it on Amazon →A fierce, honest memoir about breaking free from who the world told you to be and building a life that is actually yours. Resonates deeply for women in any kind of transition.
Get it on Amazon →A memoir about the ongoing process of identity — where you came from, who you chose to become, and what it costs. Grounding proof that becoming is never finished.
Get it on Amazon →Foundational reading for understanding how your history lives in your body — and how to reclaim yourself from it. Dense but worth every page.
Get it on Amazon →A deep, mythological exploration of the wild feminine — the instinctual nature that gets buried under trauma, expectation, and survival. For women ready to reclaim what was lost.
Get it on Amazon →A guided workbook for exploring the parts of yourself you've kept in the dark. The foundation of any real identity rebuild starts with what you haven't wanted to look at.
Get it on Etsy →A 12-week course in recovering your creative self — which is really a course in recovering yourself. Morning pages alone have changed lives. A classic for good reason.
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Learning to feel without being controlled by your feelings. Tools for emotional regulation, nervous system support, and developing the pause that changes everything.
Cassie's Pick — Sleep Ritual
One of the single best investments I made in my recovery. The weight is grounding in a way that's hard to explain until you feel it. Changed my nights completely.
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Part of my nightly wind-down ritual. Scent is one of the fastest ways to signal your nervous system that it's safe to rest.
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Consistent white noise at night gave my nervous system something neutral to focus on instead of the thoughts that spiral after dark. A quiet game-changer.
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Darkness matters more than most people realize. A good sleep mask is simple and effective — total darkness signals your brain it's time to shut down.
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Lighting a candle as part of a wind-down ritual tells your brain the day is done. Scent memory is powerful — use it intentionally.
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A different scent, same ritual intention. Having options keeps the practice feeling fresh and intentional rather than routine.
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A warm bath before bed lowers your core body temperature as you cool down — which triggers sleep. This made it feel like self-care instead of a chore.
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A card deck of nervous system regulation practices. I keep this accessible for the moments when I feel dysregulated and need a quick reset. Practical and genuinely useful.
Get it on Amazon →A practical, actionable guide to understanding and managing your emotional responses. Good for anyone who wants to develop the pause before the reaction.
Get it on Amazon →For the early days, the hard days, the sober-curious days, and the years-in days. These are resources that meet you where you actually are — without judgment, performance, or pressure.
Cassie's Pick
The book that helped me understand what codependency actually is — and how it had been running my life. Essential reading for anyone in recovery or loving someone who is.
Get it on Amazon →A science-backed look at the psychology of alcohol. For the sober-curious or early recovery reader who wants to understand why — not just what to do.
Get it on Amazon →A feminist reframe of the recovery conversation that many women find deeply validating. Challenges the dominant narrative and offers something more whole.
Get it on Amazon →A compassionate, deeply human exploration of addiction — what drives it, what heals it, and why willpower was never the answer. One of the most important books on this topic.
Get it on Amazon →One of the most readable and relatable books on sobriety — honest about how hard it is and genuinely joyful about what waits on the other side. Great for early recovery.
Get it on Amazon →A raw, beautifully written memoir about getting sober as a single mother. For anyone who has ever thought they were too far gone. She wasn't. You aren't either.
Get it on Amazon →For the parents, partners, and families. A heartbreaking and honest account of loving someone through addiction. Deeply humanizing for everyone involved.
Get it on Amazon →A memoir about addiction and recovery from a high-functioning professional. Deeply validating for women who held it together on the outside while falling apart inside.
Get it on Amazon →For rebuilding the reward system that addiction disrupts. A practical reset for your relationship with pleasure, motivation, and follow-through in recovery.
Get it on Etsy →Cassie's Books for This Category
Understanding what happened in the body, not just the mind. These resources helped me understand that trauma isn't a character flaw — it's a wound. And wounds can heal.
Cassie's Pick
The book that introduced me to somatic experiencing — the idea that trauma is stored in the body and needs to be released through the body, not just talked through. Genuinely changed how I understood my own healing.
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About the pain of feeling fundamentally flawed — and how to meet yourself with compassion instead. One of the most healing books I've read. I've recommended it more times than I can count.
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A practical, accessible guide to healing trauma and breaking generational patterns. Dr. LePera writes in plain language that makes the work feel possible, not overwhelming.
Get it on Amazon →The definitive book on trauma and the body. Understanding how trauma physically lives in you is the first step to healing it. Dense but essential.
Get it on Amazon →The most compassionate and practical book on complex trauma I've come across. If you grew up in a difficult home or have experienced relational trauma, this one is for you.
Get it on Amazon →About inherited family trauma — the patterns, fears, and pain that get passed down through generations. Eye-opening for anyone whose history doesn't fully explain their struggles.
Get it on Amazon →A collection of essays about the things we carry from our mothers — silence, wounds, love, and what goes unsaid. For understanding the relational roots of your own story.
Get it on Amazon →A guided workbook for exploring the parts of yourself you've kept in the dark. Gentle, structured shadow work for women ready to go deeper.
Get it on Etsy →A landmark resource for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Comprehensive, compassionate, and validating. One of the most important healing books ever written for women.
Get it on Amazon →After the relationship that defined you ends — the paperwork is the easy part. These resources are for the harder work that comes after: reorienting, grieving, and rebuilding without losing yourself in the process.
Cassie's Pick
Not just a recovery book — essential reading for anyone untangling their identity from a relationship. Understanding codependency changed how I saw every relationship I'd ever had.
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About getting back up after a fall — which is exactly what rebuilding after a relationship asks of you. Brown's framework for reckoning with failure and writing a new story.
Get it on Amazon →For ending a relationship without it destroying you or your children. A framework for separating with dignity, even when the other person isn't cooperating.
Get it on Amazon →A diagnostic guide for the impossible decision. Honest questions that help you get clear on what you actually want — and what you need — before you make a move either way.
Get it on Amazon →A raw, darkly funny, deeply honest memoir about surviving divorce. For the women who need to know someone else has been in this particular wreckage and came out the other side.
Get it on Amazon →Whatever you think of the cultural conversation around this book — the core of it is a woman leaving a life that wasn't hers and finding her way back to herself. That part is real.
Get it on Amazon →For learning to hold your ground with someone you once let all the way in. The most practical book on boundaries for the post-relationship rebuild.
Get it on Amazon →A guided workbook for understanding, identifying, and communicating your limits — with an ex, a co-parent, or yourself during the rebuild.
Get it on Etsy →About why some things need to end before better things can begin — and how to let them go. A practical, wise guide to the endings that are actually beginnings in disguise.
Get it on Amazon →Cassie's Books for This Category
Not just for death — for every kind of loss that reshapes who you are. These books don't rush you toward resolution. They sit with you in it.
Cassie's Pick
The book I return to when everything is falling apart. Buddhist wisdom delivered with remarkable compassion. Chödrön doesn't try to fix the pain — she teaches you how to be with it.
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About facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy again after loss. Sandberg wrote this after her husband's sudden death — honest, research-backed, and deeply human.
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Written by a Holocaust survivor about finding meaning in suffering. One of the most important books ever written. For when you need to believe that what you're going through means something.
Get it on Amazon →The book that finally validated grief instead of trying to fix it. For everyone who has been told they should be over it by now. You don't have to be.
Get it on Amazon →A masterpiece of grief writing. Didion documents the year after her husband's death with unflinching precision. For anyone who wants to feel less alone in the strangeness of loss.
Get it on Amazon →A beautiful, poetic exploration of grief as a sacred process rather than a problem to solve. Weller writes about the five gates of grief — a framework that opens something in you.
Get it on Amazon →For the losses that feel unsurvivable. A grief therapist writes with profound compassion about sitting with the most devastating kinds of grief without trying to fix them.
Get it on Amazon →The foundational framework for understanding grief — written by the woman who created it. Essential, compassionate, and reassuring that what you're feeling is normal.
Get it on Amazon →A guided journal for processing loss — whatever form it takes. Gentle prompts for the days when you need somewhere to put it all.
Get it on Etsy →For the particular silence of estrangement — the loss that no one has a ritual for. Resources for navigating this specific kind of grief with your self-worth intact, whether you're the one who left or the one who was left.
Written specifically for parents of estranged adult children. Validating, practical, and compassionate — one of the few books that addresses this specific experience directly.
Get it on Amazon →A researcher spent years studying family estrangement — what causes it, who it affects, and what it takes to heal it. Both compassionate and practically useful.
Get it on Amazon →For anyone who grew up feeling unseen by a parent. Quietly revelatory — helps you understand the dynamic and begin to separate your identity from it.
Get it on Amazon →A foundational book for adult children of difficult or abusive parents. Helps you identify the patterns, understand the damage, and begin to reclaim your life from it.
Get it on Amazon →Specifically for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Validates a very specific kind of wound and offers a clear path for healing. For women who have spent a lifetime trying to earn love.
Get it on Amazon →About emotional neglect — the invisible wound of growing up without having your emotional needs met. For the people who can't point to one big thing but know something was missing.
Get it on Amazon →The most practical book on boundaries I've read. Especially useful for family relationships where the lines have never been clear — or have always been crossed.
Get it on Amazon →For the grief of estrangement — which is real even when no one died. Chödrön teaches you how to be present with pain that doesn't resolve on anyone else's timeline.
Get it on Amazon →For learning to hold your ground with people who have known you the longest. Practical boundary work for complex family situations where the rules were never fair.
Get it on Etsy →Cassie's Books for This Category
After you've broken your own trust — or had it broken for you — rebuilding it is some of the hardest and most important work there is. These resources are about moving from victim of your life to author of it.
Cassie's Pick
Brown's framework for getting back up — reckoning with what happened, rumbling with the story you told yourself about it, and revolutionizing how you see yourself. This is accountability without shame.
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About self-sabotage — why we do it, how to recognize it, and how to stop blocking our own becoming. Honest and uncomfortably accurate for many women rebuilding.
Get it on Amazon →About letting go of who you think you should be and embracing who you are. A foundational read for rebuilding self-worth from the inside out — without performing wellness.
Get it on Amazon →Be impeccable with your word — starting with the words you say to yourself. This book rewires the internal agreements that have been quietly running your life for years.
Get it on Amazon →You cannot trust yourself if you are constantly at war with yourself. Brach's work on self-compassion is the foundation — not the ceiling — of self-trust.
Get it on Amazon →Boundaries are the foundation of self-trust. When you honor what you say you need, you start to believe yourself again. This book makes that work practical and human.
Get it on Amazon →Self-trust is built through small, consistent kept promises to yourself. LePera gives you the practical framework for becoming who you want to be — one honest step at a time.
Get it on Amazon →Your follow-through and self-trust are connected to your dopamine system more than most people realize. This workbook helps rebuild that neurological foundation.
Get it on Etsy →For women who keep holding themselves back from what they know they're capable of. A framework for moving past the inner critic and into the life that's actually waiting for you.
Get it on Amazon →For the people who are not who they used to be and not yet who they're becoming. The in-between is its own kind of hard — and its own kind of sacred.
Cassie's Pick
A story about following your own path even when everything pulls you away from it. I've read this multiple times at different stages of rebuilding. It means something different each time.
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The most practical book I've read on actual behavior change. Starting over isn't one big decision — it's a thousand small ones. Clear gives you the system for making them stack.
Get it on Amazon →A Stanford design-thinking approach to building a life that actually fits who you are now — not who you used to be. Practical exercises for the reinvention process.
Get it on Amazon →About living a creative life — which is what rebuilding actually is. Gilbert's voice is encouraging without being saccharine. For the women who need permission to start something new.
Get it on Amazon →About why some things need to end before better things can begin — and how to let them. A practical, wise guide to the endings that are actually beginnings in disguise.
Get it on Amazon →For finding purpose in the rebuilding itself. Frankl's insight — that meaning can be found even in suffering — is one of the most useful ideas for anyone starting over.
Get it on Amazon →For women who know they are meant for more and keep holding themselves back. A framework for moving past the inner critic and into the life that's actually waiting.
Get it on Amazon →For clearing out what you're carrying from the old life before you can fully step into the new one. You can't build something new on an unexamined foundation.
Get it on Etsy →About letting go of what isn't working and building toward what could. Permission to grieve the life you planned and choose a different one — with intention and without apology.
Get it on Amazon →Cassie's Books for This Category
The books and frameworks that shift how you see yourself and what's possible — without the toxic positivity. Real growth is quiet, uncomfortable, and worth it.
Cassie's Pick
Probably the most honest book about self-sabotage I've read. Wiest writes about why we block our own growth — and how to stop being our own obstacle.
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The most useful book on behavior change I've found. Growth isn't motivation — it's systems. Clear makes the system simple enough to actually follow through on.
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Brown's research on resilience and vulnerability translated into a practical framework for rising after failure. I've read it twice and will read it again.
Get it on Amazon →The foundational book on growth mindset. Dweck's research changed how psychology thinks about potential, failure, and learning. Essential and genuinely accessible.
Get it on Amazon →About resilience — what the research says and what it looks like in a real life. For the women who need evidence that it's possible to find joy again after loss.
Get it on Amazon →The ultimate book on finding purpose in difficulty. Short, profound, and permanently relevant. Read it once and you'll carry it forever.
Get it on Amazon →Blunt, funny, and more substantive than the title suggests. About choosing what actually matters and releasing the rest. Good for women tired of performing okayness.
Get it on Amazon →Direct, irreverent, and motivating without being shallow. Sincero cuts through the internal noise that keeps women from acting on what they already know they need to do.
Get it on Amazon →Growth requires follow-through — and follow-through is a dopamine function. This workbook helps rebuild the neurological foundation that makes lasting change possible.
Get it on Etsy →Writing as a tool for rebuilding — not performing. These are the journals and prompts I've actually used. Getting honest on the page is one of the most powerful things you can do for your own recovery.
Cassie's Pick
I love this journal because the symbols mean something — the compass to always find your way home to yourself, the anchor to stay present in this moment. Subtle but powerful daily reminders.
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I keep multiple journals in different colors — one for thoughts, one for to-do's, one for actual journaling. Keeping them separate helps me stay intentional about what I'm processing.
Get it on Amazon →A year of daily reflection prompts designed specifically for women in recovery. One page, one day, one grounding question to start every morning.
Get it on Amazon →For the parts of yourself you've been avoiding. Structured shadow work prompts designed for women ready to go deeper into their own story.
Get it on Etsy →A guided workbook for understanding, identifying, and communicating your boundaries — with others and with yourself.
Get it on Etsy →For rebuilding your relationship with reward, motivation, and follow-through after addiction, burnout, or chronic stress.
Get it on Etsy →Three pages, longhand, first thing in the morning — no editing, no rereading. The practice that has unlocked more people than any other journaling method I've seen.
Get it on Amazon →A beautifully illustrated guided journal for self-discovery. Gentle, non-intimidating prompts paired with art. Perfect for anyone who freezes in front of a blank page.
Get it on Amazon →One question per day for five years — same question, different answer each year. Watching your answers change over time is one of the most powerful mirrors you can hold up to your own growth.
Get it on Amazon →For finding stillness when your mind won't stop. These are the tools and books that actually helped me — not the ones that assume you already have a meditation practice or a calm nervous system.
Cassie's Pick
Having a dedicated space and posture for meditation changed the practice for me. This cushion made sitting still for longer actually comfortable. A small investment with a real return.
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A tactile mindfulness tool that gives your hands something to do while you breathe. Especially helpful for the early days when sitting still feels impossible.
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The most accessible entry point to mindfulness I've found. Kabat-Zinn created MBSR — this is the foundation, written for people who have never meditated before.
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Both a book on mindfulness and a book on healing. Brach weaves Buddhist practice with psychological insight in a way that feels deeply accessible for people in pain.
Get it on Amazon →A gentle introduction to mindfulness that doesn't require you to be spiritual or already calm. One of the most comforting books on being present I've ever read.
Get it on Amazon →About the observer inside you that is not your thoughts or emotions. One of the most profound books on consciousness and presence I've encountered.
Get it on Amazon →A skeptic's journey into meditation — funny, self-aware, and ultimately convincing. For the woman who has rolled her eyes at mindfulness but is willing to try if someone makes the case properly.
Get it on Amazon →A card deck of quick nervous system regulation practices. For the moments when you need to regulate and don't have time for a full practice. Keep it somewhere accessible.
Get it on Amazon →A free meditation app with thousands of guided meditations, sleep music, and talks. The largest free library of meditation content available — no subscription required to get real value.
Download free →Understanding your options for professional support — and how to find the right fit for what you're carrying. Therapy is not one thing. Finding the right modality matters more than most people know.
Cassie's Pick
Dr. LePera breaks down multiple healing modalities — somatic work, inner child healing, reparenting — in accessible language. A good starting point for understanding your options before committing to one path.
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The foundational book on somatic experiencing. Essential for understanding why talk therapy alone sometimes isn't enough — and what your body needs in addition to your mind.
Get it on Amazon →The creator of EMDR explains the therapy — written for non-clinicians. If you've heard of EMDR and want to understand it before seeking it out, start here.
Get it on Amazon →DBT skills made accessible without a therapist. Emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness — the four pillars in workbook form.
Get it on Amazon →The most widely used CBT workbook in existence. Practical and evidence-based. Good for anyone who wants to do cognitive work between sessions or understand the model before starting therapy.
Get it on Amazon →The comprehensive map of trauma and what actually heals it. Read this before or alongside therapy to understand what you're doing and why it matters.
Get it on Amazon →The most comprehensive directory for finding a therapist near you. Filter by specialty, insurance, modality, and population served. A good first step when you're ready to ask for help.
Find a therapist →Reduced-cost therapy for people who make between $30K–$100K/year. Sessions between $30–$80. A legitimate, high-quality option for women who want real therapy without the full price tag.
Learn more →Online therapy that matches you with a licensed therapist. More accessible than traditional therapy for many women — especially those rebuilding on a budget or in a remote area.
Learn more →You don't have to do this alone. Rebuilding in isolation is harder than it needs to be. These are starting points for finding people who understand where you are — online and in person.
The original peer support model for recovery. Find a local meeting at aa.org — there is one near you, and most welcome newcomers without pressure or expectation.
Find a meeting →A science-based alternative to 12-step programs. Focuses on self-management and cognitive tools. Good for people who want a secular, evidence-based approach to recovery support.
Learn more →Online recovery meetings — free, accessible, and available around the clock. For the days when you can't get to an in-person meeting or need support in the middle of the night.
Join online →A global community specifically for women in or seeking recovery. Offers online events, in-person retreats, and a directory of women-centered recovery resources. One of the best communities out there.
Learn more →Laura McKowen's sobriety community — online, active, and genuinely warm. For people who want community and accountability outside of traditional 12-step. A subscription, but worth it for many women.
Learn more →A nationwide network of grief support groups. Find an in-person or online group near you. For anyone navigating loss — not just death, but any significant loss that has upended your life.
Find a group →A nationwide network of support groups for people navigating separation and divorce. In-person and online options available. Free or low-cost, often church-hosted but nonreligious in approach.
Find a group →Reduced-cost therapy for individuals and couples. Sessions between $30–$80 with licensed therapists. For women who are ready for professional support and need it to be financially accessible.
Learn more →Text HOME to 741741. Free, confidential crisis support via text — available 24/7. For the moments when you need support right now and can't make a call.
Learn more →Join Cassie's Community